By Erin K. Costello
Most of the people you find on-line that are advocates against vaccinations are women, or mothers rather. Most of the groups on Facebook that exist mainly for advocating against vaccines have an overwhelming number of women joined as opposed to male group members. The anti-vaccine crowd is not some girls’ club however. Most prominent mouth pieces against vaccinations are male as opposed to female. The popular male squawkers would be Andrew Wakefield, Del Bigtree, Dr. Mercola, Dr. Sears, David Avocado Wolfe, Robert F Kennedy Jr., Alex Jones, Larry Cook, Brian Hooker, Mark Blaxill, and Dinesh D’Souza. You have your few popular female parrots as well such as, Jenny McCarthy, Tenpenny, Polly Tommey, Erin Mercola, Brandy Vaughen, Suzanne Humphries, and Kate Tietje. The male voices may be more abundant at this level of the game, but not in the social media arena. It is in this area of anti-vaccination advocacy that women soar over the men. I used to think I was this only one who noticed this, or the only one who cared. That all changed when I read a new poll and read the subsequent study that followed soon after.
In November of 2016, South Harmon Institute of Technology conducted an anonymous poll to 789 anti-vax males ranging in ages 21 – 45. The study group was quite diverse with participants having ancestors in England, France, Norway, Germany, Canada, and several other white European countries. Thankfully all nationalities in the diverse race of white people were able to put aside their issues for the sake of doctoring up a research poll. Even the Irish and the English managed to get along!
Some questions the poll had asked these European descendants were;
∞ Do you have children?
∞Which My Little Pony is your favorite?
∞ Are you vaccinated?
∞ Do you wear a fedora with or without a feather?
∞ What is your favorite vaccine injury?
∞ Should vaccinations be outlawed?
∞ Would you stay in a relationship with your girlfriend/wife if she continued to vaccinate?
∞ If you girlfriend/wife begged you to also receive some little pricks, would you say yes or no?
∞ Have you ever heard of Magnum XL made by Trojan?
∞ When in the pharmacy and faced with vaccine propaganda, does the propaganda tend to upset you more when buying condoms for sex than when there to buy literally anything other than condoms?
According to the data,
When asked if they had children -
6% of those polled answered yes to having children, though the number then dropped down to 1.2% when asked the follow up question, “Are your kids in real life humans or can they be found in anime?”
When asked which My Little Pony was their favorite –
They majority at 78% answered Little MushroomCap, and oddly 89% followed it up with how Jabber was their least favorite, even though they hadn’t been asked this question.
When asked if they were vaccinated –
23% said never been vaccinated, 62% answered they had been vaccinated but have avoided getting pricked since they were in junior high, the remaining 15% said their vaccination histories were unknown. 100% said they would never choose to face the poking of the needle again in the future.
When asked if they prefer to go with a featherd fedora, or go feather-less –
Researchers were unable to get a definitive answer out of 71.88% of the male anti-vaxxers due them being asked by female researchers. The femaleness of the researcher caused the subjects to say over and over how a feather only has “one place, and that place is in these hands as it pleasure tickles you “m’lady.” The remaining 28.12% were asked by male researchers so the subjects then gave examples of the many ways they could cut up the asking researcher with their “katana” sword.
When asked their favorite vaccine injury –
98% answered chronic obsessive-compulsive public masturbation. 2% said that even though they too suffer with this same affliction, they believe it to have been caused by their autism, which then made them choose autism as their favorite vaccine injury.
When asked should vaccinations be outlawed -
59% answered yes but that “Chads” should be mandated to receive vaccinations.
When asked if they stay in a relationship with someone who vaccinated -
77% said yes but only because they love to be “shedded on” by women.
When asked if they would get vaccinated if begged to by girlfriend/wife –
82% said yes because they would likely love covering everyone they knew with their own personalized shedding.
When asked if they heard of Magnum XL made by Trojan –
69.5% said they could be Trojan enough for any “Stacy” or “m’lady.”
When asked if seeing pro-vaccination propaganda angered them more when buying condoms than at any other time –
43% said they make it a point to buy all the condoms they need (one package of condoms, 3 pack) when it’s not the flu season. 49.2% said they become most angry when buying condoms because the act of buying condoms is what upsets them due to the realization that this is “money wasted” or having to face the fact that every brand is “too large” for them and always slips off in their “hands.”
The results of these poll question led to an actual medical study. SHIofT then teamed up with UC Sunnydale for the medical part
of this project.
The research scientists assigned each anti-vaccination male from the poll their own I.D. number to maintain anonymity throughout this study. This step ended up taking twice as long than anticipated because about 30% of the subjects expressed interest in changing their I.D number to “69,” and would insist on being able to ask this question to the female researchers instead of the male researchers. The research team began with 12 female researchers out of the 30 assigned to this study but quickly dropped down to 3 female researchers before this step of assigning I.D. numbers had been completed.
During the study,
The 789 male subjects were subjected to a series of question/answer sessions, neuropsychological testing,
Personality tests, attitude tests, aptitude tests, IQ tests, sexological tests, and routine physicals.
Though the data discovered from this study was nothing short of fascinating from a psychological standpoint, there was only one area where researchers noticed similarities, or a trend appear. This would most commonly happen during the routine physical part of the study. During this part of the study the subjects are examined for health problems, physical issues, asked for medical history, and weighed and measured. Usually the measured part of this step covers height and possibly another part of the body if relevant to the study at hand. Due to the answers these test subjects gave in the poll mentioned above, the researchers decided to also measure penis size in length, girth, as well as scrotum size. What they found was equally astonishing as it was expected. 2.5% of the 789 test subjects examined were found to be smaller than average in penis size in both length and width. They were also found to be smaller than average in scrotum size. The remaining 97.5% of the 789 test subjects examined were also found to be smaller than average in penis size in length and girth, though they were found to be drastically smaller than average in these areas. In some cases, the researches suspected the test subjects had lied about being born male or had omitted experiencing a botched circumcision as a child or some other form of accident to the area in question. None of their suspicions had proved to be the case though. This was made apparent most of the time by the visual presence of an external scrotum sac, which was also found to be drastically smaller than average in each of these remaining cases. Out of the remaining 97.5%, 69% of the drastically smaller than average scrotums examined also were shown to be suffering from cryptorchidism, a condition where one or both testes are absent. Most of these missing testes were found to be in the perineum area of the test subjects.
After examining each test subject physically and analyzing the results from the remaining tests administered, research scientists concluded there is one defining factor that is present in the majority of male anti-vaccinationists, and this defining factor is in large part what inspired their anti-vaccination beliefs. This factor is known as “micro-penis,” a condition where an adult male is afflicted with an erect penis size of 2 ¾ inches or less in length. It was discovered through much of the psychological testing during this study that the males who suffered from having a micro-penis had become angry and insecure while in the presence of other items of penetration. In terms of vaccinations, the competing penetrating item these male anti-vaccinationists found to be threatening to their self-esteem were the needles. Vaccination needles tended to become the focus of the subjects’ anger and insecurities. They felt as though their “manhood” couldn’t compete. Since micro-penis usually tends to affect only 0.6 of the male population, there aren’t quite as many male anti-vaccinationists in the anti-vaccine community as there are females. This is believed to be the reason why most of the anti-vaccine Facebook group members are women and only a small portion of group members are male. This study also concludes that it isn’t the vaccinations themselves that bother most of the male members of this fringe community. What is giving these men cause for concern are in fact the needles. The study then suggests that perhaps an alternate route of administration could decrease the number of males advocating against vaccines, and therefore decrease the amount of anti-vaccinationists as a whole.
IN the same manner of how the micro-penises of male anti-vaccinationists can't hurt us, neither can taking the suggestion of an alternate route of vaccine adminstration.